I grew up with relatively low self esteem. I never really ever thought of myself as even a little attractive until college. Before college I made a point to be painstakingly nice to EVERYONE, but especially women because I thought that was the only way I’d ever get a girlfriend. Then we became teenagers and the nice guys finish last rule came into effect. I was screwed. That rule stayed active in my life throughout high school. My first girlfriend, I found would date anyone, and did so, even while dating me. After that I pretty much just didn’t date. I tried to meet a few girls online or through other people but after we met, it never worked out. I chalked that up to myself being hideously ugly. I gave up again and didn’t date anymore until Senior year of high school. It’s a messy story so I’ll avoid major details and just say things didn’t work out, and she was initially attracted to be because of how I dressed.
Around this same time another girl, who already had a boyfriend began to show interest but I believe she was attracted to me because she saw all the care and feelings I put into my messed up relationship and wished her boyfriend would do the same. Knowing he wouldn’t, she figured she could just have her cake and eat it too. Getting sweet stuff from me and whatever she was getting from him, from him. I called it off though because I didn’t think it was right and things with the girl that liked me for my clothes were starting to take off.
But like I said, things with her didn’t work out. Then I went to college and one girl I had only met a week prior said a few magic words to me that blew my mind. “I’m not hitting on you, but you are so handsome.” I had never heard that I was handsome from anyone but my mother at that point. It really made me look at myself differently. It made me think maybe I’m growing into my looks, and maybe things will work out. With that new way of thinking came confidence, and with that confidence finally came women that wanted to use me for my looks. I was ecstatic. However years of being the nice guy and a new found faith stopped me from capitalizing on this and instead of being a man whore, I got in relationships.
With each relationship however, and even the ones that didn’t workout I began to notice a theme. I started to attract a lot of different types of women with unifying themes. I never really thought much of this until reading
an article on Heartless Doll by Susan Quesal, entitled Top 10 Men I Attract as an Independent Twenty something.... Which inspired both the preceding write up and the proceeding list:
1.
Women With Kids, That Still Want To Act Like KidsWhen I started going out again I noticed a lot of women I’ve talked to who are my age who have kids that are 5 or 6. I love kids and I’m never one to judge someone for past mistakes/actions but these women always act like I should be scared of them because they have kids... I dig that your ex wasn't responsible but in my eyes being able to raise a child while balancing life by yourself only serves to make you more attractive...until you start acting like a child yourself as soon as you put your kid in day care. I get wanting to act young since you have to be a mom 24/7...but moderation is key.
2.
Women That Disappear After Showing A lot Of InterestThis really should play for 70% of my dating career. I’ll meet a woman. We’ll hit it off. We’ll start talking on a regular basis or even if just for a night, HOURS. They’ll comment on how much they like you. They’ll comment on how different you are, some may even kiss you... Things are good and all of a sudden they either never call you back or simply start ignoring you..And your left wondering what’d I do?
3.
Women That Date Other People While Talking To MeHa this would make up another 10% of my dating career. I’ll take a girl out. The dates go well (they keep saying yes to the 2nd, 3rd and 4th dates.. Right?) and without warning she’ll grow distant. You call her and talk like before the convo’s are shorter. You call again and she seems cold. You ask her out on another date and she’s busy... But that’s what she said last time. Finally you ask whats up and she’s like.. I have a boyfriend or I’m talking to someone or get lost, I’m not decent enough to tell you I’m done using you, so instead I’m going to just act weird and not explain anything because I think your feelings don’t exist.
4.
Women With (Subtly) Verbally Abusive FathersI’ve noticed that some dads aren’t really that bad, but the girls I seem to attract tend to have dads that try to convince them of absurd things or have jacked up mentality. One girl’s dad bought her a bunch of really nice, expensive clothes... Two sizes too small and told her if she wanted to fit them she had to lose that much weight. Of course she cried to me and I had to reassure her that her dad was just inbred.
5.
Women Unsecure or No Career GoalsIt's the same for females as dating that guy who's 30 and still plans on being in the NBA and his plan B is rapper. ...I did come across a potential lawyer but she was the odd one out, everyone else has had flaky or shaky career goals at best. The worst though was the girl that told me she was not going to college and she ONLY wanted to work retail. Which isn’t that bad except she finished the sentence with AND have a man take care of me. CLICK. That was my first time hanging up on a girl. I’m all about taking care of my woman but not when it’s apart of her career objectives on her resume....
6.
Women Who Only Seem SmartMaybe it’s the fact that I meet a lot of women at night time, but I’ve had way too many occurrences where I’ll meet a girl where she doesn’t seem like an air head but is secretly running a helium factory between her ears. Example: I’m conversing with a girl that seemed very worldly, and well read. She knew all kinds of things about psychology and sociology but then she told me that up until last year (she was 23) that SHE THOUGHT PLANET OF THE FREAKING APES WAS A HISTORICAL EVENT. Did you read that ? -Imagine someone SAYING that to you and being serious.
7.
Women With Negative OutlooksI’m a pretty positive person. I try to always look on the bright side of things, but I have a knack for attracting women that are pretty doom and gloom when anything remotely bad happens. I hate the term FML. I also have made a point not to ever date anyone again who uses it. You’ve been warned. Starting turning your lemons into lemonade ladies.
8.
Women Who Are SmartI have been lucky enough to attract women that don’t think Charleton Heston discovered America. A woman that can hold her own and even call you out during a conversation is probably the best kind of woman. Sometimes I’ll totally make up things I know are BS to see if some women will call me out and the smart ones never fail me. That’s not to say they aren’t smart if they don’t..maybe they are doing that first impression thing but still brownie points if you keep it real from day one.
9.
Women That Like The SauceI’m not a drinker. That doesn’t mean women that I attract don’t avoid it. It might be my ego but I hate the idea of someone only being interested or being interested while under the influence. Unfortunately if you hit the bar scene regularly, your putting yourself in a situation for that to happen....this one is my fault though. If I’m looking for a girl with a sobering outlook, why would I talk to the girl drinking her 3rd long island ?
Confused ? Welcome to TRYING to Date
10.
Women That Call You To Hang Out, Make out with You, Call You Again, Make Out with You Again and then, Date Other People Anyway...Yeah I’ve been here a few times but I wound up dating some of these people seriously later...When I ask them what was up at the time, they usually don’t have a very good excuse. They liked me but at the time they liked the other guy more or they liked me but couldn’t see a real future. The point is, “they liked me... They really liked me.” HA. I couldn’t resist. Seriously... Like some of the others I mentioned grow up and be vocal about what your doing, for all you knew I could of been okay with the situation... It’s not knowing what the frell is going on that hurts.
11.
Women That Aren’t Over There Exes YetSelf explanatory... Except when we date for several months and THEN you spring this trash on me. It just seems that I tend to come along RIGHT when many of these girls have decided to reevaluate their feelings about the love of their lives. GREAT.
12.
Women That Are Almost Too AggressiveYou know the kind that interrupt you while your talking to a friend and sit you in a corner and won’t leave you alone even when it’s clear you aren’t interested. Admittedly this has only happened twice but A top 14 list doesn’t work as well as a top 15.
13.
Women That Lack Self Control
I attract a lot of women who just can’t seem to say no. Be it with destructive eating habits, urges, spending or a number of not good things. I can say that it’s been my experience that my top shelf, self control does tend to rub off on the girls but it’s also hard being the strong one. Sometimes I wana go nuts and eat the whole bag of Oreos but then I see Santa Claus each year and change my mind. I’m just saying I never want to forget what my feet look like while I’m standing up.
14.
Women That Aren’t Ready To Settle Down...this weekThis one needs some explaining. I used to meet girls at clubs, have these amazing really good conversations with them and think we’re connecting on a higher level. They’ll continue to call me and have these conversations and dates and such and things are great and then she says things are getting too serious. I’ll back off and the next week she’ll accuse me of not taking our relationship seriously. Believe it or not I stayed on this roller coaster for almost 7 months with one woman.
Okay, I prolly couldn't pull Keri Hilson now, but I have much better chance these days than I EVER did.
15.
Women Who Wouldn’t of Dated Me In High SchoolThis list wasn’t ranked but this one takes the cake. Literally all the women I’ve attracted since High School wouldn’t of dated me then. I was almost too nerdy and introverted for comfort. I’ve compared High School photos with some girlfriends and it’s clear we wouldn’t of worked. Heck I’ve traded high school stories girls I just met and it’s clear the prom queen wouldn’t of dated the guy that got nick named Pikachu because the only think he was confident of was his ability to raise Pokemon. Even during those days, I was able to get SOMETHING which still amazes me but it also doesn’t shock very many people when I tell them I had 3 years between my first and second girlfriend.
Growing up does a lot for nerds. You get facial hair, money and most importantly a lot of the time you get confidence. You learn not to let your hobbies and interest define you, but rather allow them to become an asset. Trust me, in this life you’ll get jerked around a lot. If your like me you come to expect it, but you also have to learn that what happens is a reflection on those people and not people as a whole. Learn from experience but continue to take chances. Food for thought: I doubt I’d be able to attract any of the women on this list if I sat around and moped about all the girls who didn’t call me back... Instead I place my focus on the ones/one that did.
