TWILIGHT 3, ECLIPSE TRAILER... Open Your Eyesssssss

I love to moan, complain about and misspell Twilight as much as the next guy but one truth remains, I plan on seeing each and every single one of these movies. Other wise how will be able to intelligently mock the heck out of them with any sense of credibility? Anyway with that said I present or presented (depending on if you read the words or watch the video first) the trailer for the 3rd Twilight movie, Eclipse. I haven't watched it yet but I'm willing to bet 50 that there's longing looks, a tight embrace and a fight scene that looks awesome but after you see the movie is really only 3 seconds long.

TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE WITH LIFESIZE TRANSFORMERS COSTUMES

Yes, I know that headline is terrible but after seeing these 10ft tall Mega Tron and Optimus Prime G1 Costumes, you will forgive me.

If I had those things, absolutely nothing would stop me from walking around my city, crossing the street and doing a bunch of seemingly mundane things that instantly make you awesome when your dresed as a freaking 10 ft tall Transformer.

NEWS: Jersey Shore...On The Southside of The Chicago

OMG. NO. Why !!!!! This could of been me. OMG. It could of been me!!!!

READ THIS BLURB FROM HOLLYSCOOP

There’s nothing quite like the Jersey Shore. But the reality show has become such a phenomenon around the country, that everyone is copying the guidos and guidettes we’ve come to love.

Word on the street is that a reality show is in the works that will focus on Chicago’s South Side, known for being slightly lower class and crime-ridden.

According to the Huffington Post, a casting company is looking for South Siders to be a part of a “Jersey Shore” reality show.

The casting reads:

* Are you between the ages 19-27yrs? (... open to all races and nationalities)

* Do you openly celebrate your true Southside self as a true Southsider?

* Are you the GUY or GIRL who is awesome in oh so many ways?

* Are you sexy, crazy, fun, outgoing, outrageous, love to make things exciting, always up for an adventure, and a HUGE SOX fan who thinks the CUBS suck? If so, then we want you, your friends, your total awesomeness.

We don’t know if they can possibly find the next Snooki in Chicago, but we’re all for another Jersey Shore-like show on television!

If you didn't read all that, essentially they are looking to do a Southside of Chicago version of Jersey Shore. I've lived on the Southside ALL my life and they couldn't of waited and done this a few years earlier ? I'm responsible now ! I have a career ! ARRRGHHH ! I can't go bouncing in the clubs showing off my abs ! My only hope is to stalk the show and try to make sure I hook up with the black southside Snookie, who will likely be named Pookie.. It's my last hope!

EVERYTHING is ANGRIER in GERMAN: The Simpsons

And thus begins a weekly feature where we will display staples of American pop culture in another language because I literally don't have the time to write anything worthwhile today. STILL. It's interesting to see the direction taken on many of the characters, as well as how in German it feels like they are screaming everything.

Also note the comments by authentic Germans. Ha Ha. They speak funny because I'm ignorant.

Rock--afire Explosion

In the 80's, a pizza chain called Show Biz Pizza Place started opening around the country. Central to the establishment was a sophisticated animatronics show featuring a band: The Rock-afire Explosion. The band consisted of a gorilla on keyboards, a dog wearing a space suit on drums, a bear playing bass, and other inexplicable animal characters playing instruments. If this sounds exactly like Chuck E. Cheese it's because Show Biz was in direct competition with Chuck E. for the kid-entertainment pizza place market. In fact, Show Biz would eventually buy out Chuck E. and run both the franchises well into the 90's when everything folded into the Chuck E. Cheese brand.

All the Rock-afire Explosion animatronics were eventually replaced with Chuck E. Cheese characters, leaving only a handful of shows working at other independent locations (Billy Bob's Super Wonderland, Fun Station USA.) Having the access to a working show and the programming know how, ex Creative Engineering Inc. programmer/designer Aaron Fechter began auctioning off songs on the internet for people to bid on, and then he would program and video tape the show. You can bid here. There is also a documentary you can check out here. Below is the video to Arcade Fire's Neighborhood #1.

Learn How to Seduce Women

Step 1- Spike your hair Bart Simpson Style
Step 2- Eat Lot's of Meat
Step 3- Never read a book again.
Step 4- BOOZE!

Last week I wrote speaking out against this kind of buffoonery....sometimes though you just gotta laugh. I mean really ? Is that really how it works ? Please teach mean honorable loser man, pwease teach me how to bed easy women, because of course it takes skills to sleep with someone without any standards or moral backing. Ugh. I'm just saying, I'd like to see this stuff work on women with self respect.

Alice in Wonderland Review, Through the Looking Glass

This weekend I saw Alice in Wonderland. I don’t want to spoil anything but I do want to give a warning. The movie is being advertised as something it is not and because of this a lot of people who see this movie come out disappointed. It’s not because it’s bad or not as good as it should be, it’s because the movie is being touted as a retelling or reimagining of the original story, when in fact it is a sequel to the original Disney film, and actually aalgmation of the Second book in the series called Through the Looking Glass and the original Alice in Wonderland.

Unfortunately the general populace had no idea Alice in Wonderland is based on a book, let alone that it has a sequel. Due to this misrepresentation people go into this movie expecting fun and wackiness and instead get toned down surrealism and action, which goes in line with the second book but not the story people were expecting to see.

As usual everyone touts Johnny Depps performance as amazing because that’s just what people do, but personally I didn’t see anything special. He basically just combined Jack Sparrow with his Willy Wonka, shifting between the two at random, sometimes to the point of inaudibility. There were two instances that his character spoke and I had no idea what he said, and neither did anyone else in the theater. Alice knew though, and it seemed important each time, so that was annoying. Speaking of Alice, she was spectacular. I really think the actress did an excellent Job, no matter how ridiculous or mundane the situation she stepped up to the plate and hit a home run every time.


The movie it’s self was less spell binding, but I feel like that was aided by the fact that I expected it to be Alice in Wonderland and Not Adventure’s in Wonderland: Through the Looking Glass. Now that I understand this, I feel like I need to see it again in order to give a fair review.

At this point, I feel like watching the original Disney film may help too since this film was almost a direct sequel to that. Coincidentally (eye roll) Disney is releasing the original Alice in Wonderland cartoon from the Disney Vault on March, 30th. After all the money the movie made this weekend, I have no doubts that the Disney movie will also fly off the shelves so I suggest taking it easy on yourselves and just getting it from Amazon, and why not ? It’s 20 bucks !

BATMAN DOES REGULAR STUFF=SO FOXING FUNNY ! OMG!!!!

The above is called sarcasm. While I did find at least the first video funny, the other fish out of water Batman videos are just getting old. We get it, Batman's costume looks stupid and he is violent. If placed in the real world he would indeed be the one locked up in Arkham. It's not that funny to put him in the real world as if Bruce Wayne would do things like go to college or go shopping without changing....He's the world's greatest detective, I think he's smarter than that.

UGH.. Sorry, I know I'm being harsh. I'm cranky today. I made the mistake of looking at my student loan statement... My greatest impossible dream is that someone would destroy all of Sallie Mae's records within the next year or so, sadly there is no real avenger of the night and no Tyler Durden to carry out such a miraculous act. Eh, I'll eventually get over it, LOST is on tonight !

Final Fantasy, Finally.... SIKE

I've had 3 people ask me if I'm covering the new Final Fantasy that dropped today in the US. Motivated by emotion I have prepared the following statement:
Dear RPG Nerds,

I don’t play Final Fantasy because I like to play my games, not watch a movie. If I pay 50 dollars for a movie or a DVD for that matter, I better be getting days worth of content. Even then the most I’ve ever been able to justify is 40 dollars and that’s usually for LOST. Additionally I suck at RPG’s in general. I hate not getting to control the character when it comes to the fights and quite frankly I’ve never understood what’s so great about Final Fantasy games that aren’t featured in every other RPG. Is it because they are long and require like 15 discs to play ? Is it the cinematics ? Is it the feminine male characters ? Or is it just mass videogame peer pressure ? I’m betting for the latter but perhaps I’m just making excuses because I never quite got over Final Fantasy abandoning Nintendo systems in favor of Sony during the height of my Nintendo exclustivity and fanboyism.

Perhaps.

Love,

Chris

P.S.- But Gosh if it isn't a gorgeous game:

Public Toilet Training

Only in Japan do they feel the need to train children how to use public restrooms using tigers and animated poop. Even if you don't know Japanese this is still entertaining, I just don't get why this is necessary. Can't the parent's just tell the kids this stuff ? There's no need to bring poop to life or watch an animated tiger struggle.

I tried to find other videos from other countries but it seems like Japan are the only ones that do this.. truthfully I had no idea there was a such thing as public restroom etiquette, so I guess I lose this one... or do I ?

WTF: WORKING OUT WITH POODLE ARMS ?

I'm not even sure where to begin. I don't know if it's more effed up that her arms look like that or that she trained those dogs to move in ways dogs are not supposed to move. Either way... I cannot stop watching. I found this while looking for workout videos of ways to workout while sitting at your desk from work. No such luck but this is the next best thing, right ?

NEW IRON MAN 2 TRAILER

Nothing I can say would make this any better so I'm not saying anything, just enjoy.

FRINGE IS SAFE !

Today FOX has announced that they are not total morons and have green lit FRINGE for a third season despite shrinking ratings, due in part to bad scheduling, My only fear is the possibility that today I, some how, woke up in the alternate universe and tomorrow I'll wake up in my own and FOX will have canceled the show.

From Io9 via Entertainment Weekly:

Fringe's ratings may have been slipping this season, but fans shouldn't worry; Fox has just confirmed that the show has been renewed for a third season, meaning that we're more likely to see that Earth-1/Earth-2 war after all. [Entertainment Weekly]

WAAHHHHHHHHHHH !!! I'm so happy I could cry, but instead I'll just watch this:

DATE NIGHT: LOVE OF CLUNKY HELMETS ?

A few people sent this to me, but then I found it on Topless Robot. Since my Friday posting is going to be cut short I kind of wanted to go out with a bang and there's no better bang than the bang of a storm trooper and master chief going in for kiss. Yup. That's the best I could do. Have a great weekend everyone !


BONUS VIDEO: STRETCH THAT RAMEN !

SONIC The HEDGEHOG, The Stopmotion Movie Parts 1-3

A. This is not an official movie, it's 100% fan created.

B. It's still awesome and worth the 30 minutes to watch.

C. I respect anyone willing to do anything stop motion.

D. I like "BEAST Sonic" I'd like him more if he was fast.

E. SEGA! Remember those commercials? Filling space.

G GUNDAM FEATURE! GOOOOOOOOOOO!

Time to take a look back at a show I used to get WAY too excited for, G Gundam. I might get hate mail for this, but G Gundam is the only Gundam show I could ever watch. I tried watching every other incarnation and either fell asleep from all the talking or I just didn’t get it. G Gundam however was the polar opposite of every other show in the franchise, it existed in an alternate universe where every country had “Neo” as a prefix. The show itself was overly dramatic and all about instant gratification. The best way to explain it, is imagine Gundam in the Power Rangers Universe with a dash of Dragon Ball Z and another dash of Ultra Man.

The characters had super human abilities that they’d use to fight each other in a huge tournament that was being held. In addition there was a mystery of the main character, Domon Kashu, looking for his brother or father or something extremely typical. His Gundam in America was the burning Gundam.

He had a speech when ever he’d perform his special burning finger move that I memorized and used to recite along with Domon as I punched the air in my make believe Gundam:

This hand of mine is burning red! Its loud roar tells me to grasp victory! ERUPTING BURNING FINGER!

I believe I was in high school when this came out, but I wouldn’t put it past myself to have been in college. Although I’m certain it was high school since it aired on Toonami during the weekdays. If you can find a copy of this series, BUY IT ! The naysayers will tell you it’s dumbed down and elementary, and they aren’t wrong but it’s also more fun than 90% of anything else currently being produced. The storyline is engaging, the fights are awesome and you won’t be able to resist the call of Domon’s burning finger!

Some jerk made am abridged video(which internet speak for parody), for the sake of fun I'll show this to accompany the feature, you can see the real show in the first video above:

LEGO MARIO KART...

That's all ! Have a good Thursday !

HOLY CRAP I SUCK ! ... ALLLLLICE.

I know I took a break on Wednesday but now I have to take a break on Friday. I'm going to TRY to post SOMETHING tomorrow, but no promises. Being M.I.A. however is not why I suck. I suck because I just realized, I TOTALLY FORGOT Tim Burton's ALICE IN WONDERLAND is coming out tomorrow. I want to remain spoiler free so I can go into this movie with very few expectations, except for maybe the fact that it's going to be almost 2 hours long. I didn't look that up, but I'm just assuming. I hope I'm wrong. I'm tired of going into movies during the day and coming out and it's pitch black. If I were an Owl, it'd be party time, but noooo I'M HUMAN !

To make up for my idiocy here's some non- 2010 movie Alice "stuff". It's al very interesting and creepy:

1. The 1983 stage play: Since I was NEGATIVE 1 when this came out, I never even knew about it until right now, the black dude is creepy

2. The Russian, Animation Version: Not Russian, Never Saw It, Watching All 3 parts

3. The Scyfy Movie: Never Saw it, Gonna Netflix it

4. The 1985 TV Special: I was 1 when it came out so I never saw it, I heard it's scary as crap at this particular part:

5. WAH ?

NERD PEP TALK: SELF ESTEEM, DATING & PICK UP ARTISTS

I’ve heard from many people that engaging and getting women if you weren’t born looking like Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington is a science, backed up by manuals like "The Game" by Neil Stratus. For years I refuted the idea thinking that all you have to be is a good person, and eventually women will want to be with you thanks to the assumption that if you are good, you will in turn treat them good. This assumption was proven false throughout my high school years and at times during my post college experiences playing the field. I’m skipping over college because my experiences there were quite different, as that was the place that I bloomed and displayed the truly most important characteristics needed to attract the opposite sex; confidence, a sense of humor and at the least moderate good looks.

Before we get any deeper, I want to say I wrote this from a heterosexual male prescriptive but women and people with different preferences could learn from this too.

Many people think women want a guy who works hard, and holds open doors, but the truth is a lot of women are willing to give that up if you have an alluring enough of a smile or can tell a good knock knock joke. They’ll think they can make you better by being with you, you can be their reason to get your crap together, they can make you the perfect man and boy toy at all once. The thought is just as naïve as the thought that being nice can get you any where but the friend zone.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think nice guys finish last. Far from it, I think typically nice guys finish first, they just take the scenic route while running the race. I think nice guys need to throw in a dash of danger to keep things interesting, sometimes going against their nature. Yes hold open doors, yes treat your woman with respect, but also before things get serious, don’t give her all your attention, be willing to stand your ground on issues and essentially show that you are your own person and while you may treat her like the queen she is, your not as safe as you appear to be. If you choose to marry the woman, the game changes a little bit, but right now I’m just talking those initial stages of attraction and “talking” as us kids say.

One of the most important things to a man is that he has the respect of the person he is talking to. The fatal mistake a lot of nice guys make is not demanding their respect. They’ll let a girl walk all over them as long as she still likes him at the end of the day. That is flat at stupid and only makes you appear weak. It also makes this woman think you can’t get anyone else because you are willing to take crap from her when she knows there’s other women out there that will treat you better. Nice guys, even if you don’t have any other prospects, be willing to walk away as if you do, if the woman you are talking to is giving you less than what you deserve.

I know it’s easier to say that than to put into action, but as someone who used to have pretty low self esteem, I can say, it can be done. Just stay away from materialistic women, they can throw everything off. But after taking note of that tiny rule, I've done quite well for myself. I never boiled it down to a science but rather changes within myself that needed to take place, and one of those changes was developing confidence. This confidence doesn’t have to stem from your looks, not everyone can be model, but everyone is good at SOMETHING, and that something can be the source of your brovado. Also never overlook the concept you can LEARN skills that make you desirable, anything from dance classes to web design tutorials can arm you with a skill set that despite your looks can make you both interesting and confident in not only yourself but your abilities. Eventually this confidence will bleed over into other areas of your life and before you know it you’ll find yourself fighting with your girlfriend over giving up your playertastic ways.

You absolutely do not need to buy the book “The Game” or listen to douche bags like “Mystery”. This book and it’s followers simply teach you how to use a series of flirting techniques to deceive women and get them either into one night stands or convince them to give you their numbers. The problem with this is while the science of picking up women is effective, it does nothing to maintain or aide the development of a relationship, which is exactly the the thing, the “nice guy” wanted in the first place. So yes, Mystery can help you make an ugly coat into a conversation piece, but after you get her number or bed her, you can’t rely on those techniques any more, you have to be yourself, and because you never actually learned how to be confident in yourself, you didn’t actually learn ANYTHING. You’ll be right back where you started, lonely and pathetic. Difference is, now you have stories about manipulation you can tell other people that make you look like a sleaze ball....with ugly clothes.

I say all this to implore my fellow geeks, especially those of you with self esteem issues to find your true confidence and become the men I know you can be.

And now, let’s all laugh at Mystery, he's wearing goggles....To get women ?, WTF!?:

NSFW: Condom Commercials Are The Best

NSFW WARNING

This is not safe for work unless your company is okay with bathroom drawings of penises and va jay jays. It is however hilarious and worth almost getting fired for. I'm lying, but my phone lets me play multimedia so for a twist of irony do like I did and go to the bathroom and watch this video about naughty parts on a bathroom wall. I would post more videos but I'm really pushing it with this one, stop being greedy.

IN LIVING COLOR BEFORE IT SUCKED: JAMIE FOXX AS PRINCE

CLASSIC! I have never forgotten about this particular sketch. If you aren't laughing by the end you are in need of funny bone surgery, and you didn't here that from me ! In Living Color in general was amazing until they got rid of all the Wayans Brothers and magically over half the cast was white. Clearly I'm not alone in this opinion as the show was cancelled right after this happened. I personally, had nothing against the show at this point, it just wasn't the same kind of funny that inspired the above genius that is Jamie Foxx playing Prince. Instead it was just people screaming, which "All That" already had cornered the market in. ...And in All That's defense, they were just kids, In Living Colors final set of castmates were adults, making it all the more greuling to watch.

Interesting: Non-American Take on American Media

THIS IS NOT FUNNY. It's just interesting and if you can't deal with that go chew some animantium. YES, "spell check" I know animantium isn't a real world, nor is it a real metal. I know it's just something marvel created out convenience to make Wolverine really cool, and sadly it worked, but now that he's part of pop-culture we can't have him go around using those claws that can cut through diamond to actually hurt anybody... instead let's hire some jerk to write a movie where he uses them to start a flame and destroy a helecopter..sorry, I still have reoccuring daymares about X-Men Origins: Wolveriene. Watch this video though, it's about the AMerican News Media from a different presoective.


Source: TYWKAIWDBAI

SMURF DANCE

Sometimes a man must do things he doesn't want to in order to please the woman he loves... And other times a man gets with his friends, impersonates a smurf and dances in the hall way... I like the other times.

IF I WAS MICHEAL SCOTT... And THE GHOST MASK STORY

It's not really 9 minutes, it's only 3, I suck at encoding.

If You Know me, You know I'm a huge fan of The Office. I kind of hated what they were doing recently with the *spoiler alert* two bosses. But now that it's been resolved I hope the show gets back the magic that inspired me to make the above video. In my Senior Year of college about 2 years ago I was selected to take part in a male beauty pageant. The overall theme was James Bond/Spys, I decided to ignore it and do a The Office homage instead. I edited, directed, wrote and with help from Brad I filmed the whole thing.

The thing to look for here is the scene where they talk about me believing in Monsters. That part is 100% REAL. Long story short, for a week my roommates kept putting a monster mask on a broom stick in my room and dressing it up, the last time I went in my room they took my light bulb out, and had Brad dress in the mask and he scared the crap out of me. After that they showed the video to everyone. I decided to take the fuel out of the video by showing it to the entire school and having everyone think it was part of my hilarious video. It worked, my video got lot's of acclaim, we graduated, I got a job and now all my roommates are homeless. Perfect.

Bird in your Cereal Box Prank

I found this while looking up information on vintage Cereal Boxes for a follow up of the Cap'n Crunch Crackhead article I did when MF was in it's infancy. I laughed really hard and imagined if my co-workers or friends or anyone i knew did this to me I'd never speak to them again. Especially after the ghost mask incident. (More On That Later).

Bird in your Cereal Box Prank:


This guy needs better friends...

Speedy Gonzales Movie Sounds AWFUL

This is the plot of the new Speedy Gonzales movie as reported by Coming Soon:

"Speedy's going to be a misunderstood boy who comes from a family that works in a very meticulous setting, and he's a little too fast for what they do," said Anne Lopez. "He makes a mess of that. So he has to go out in the world to find what he's good at."

That path becomes clearer once Speedy befriends a gun-shy race-car driver.

What happened to standards ? Why is it that a producer or writer can walk out and say something that clearly sounds like a joke and be taken seriously ? Speedy Gonzales befriends a race car driver. REALLY?!? That's YOUR PLOT ? Look, I've written premises and scripts that I knew were bad, but I literally didn't expect anyone to take them seriously. And STOP WITH THE FREAKING AWFUL CGI-LIVE ACTION HYBRIDS! Scooby Doo made sense, Garfield as horrible as it is made sense, The Chipmunks makes sense but Speedy Gonzales is a HUGE BAAAAAAAAD STRETCH. There weren't even any notable humans staring in any of his catoons ! At least with Yogi Bear it's justified because there was Ranger Smith, with the Smurfs there's Gargamel but with Speedy Gonzales the best we have is sterotypical mexican guys, and since we know they won't see the light of day they bring in the "GUN SHY RACE CAR DRIVER" .

Drink lighter fluid. You aren't even trying to be creative !

You just connected vauge dots... Speedy is fast, race cars move fast, this guy is scared to go fast despite it being his JOB and only a mouse that goes really fast can teach him how to stop being a wuss. AMAZING. And maybe toss in that Speedy learns how to slow down, just a little, from his friend. NO. THAT IS NOT SPEEDY GONZALES !

I'm going to pull a better plot out of my butt right now:

Speedy Gonzales is the fasted mouse in all of Mexico. Due to this he's world famous in the Mouse world and has developed quite the ego. However an accident involving a rival, say, the second fastest Mouse in Mexico knocks him down a peg and he's forced to sit back and watch his world unravel around him. Speedy finds out his rival has nefarious plans, working with an evil "green" corporation of some sort (that Speedy turned down numerous times) to use his new found influence to have all the mice in Mexico used as slave workers in factories. Toss in a mind altering drug that makes the mice not only salves but monsters that Speedy must battle after his rehabilitation and BOOM, we've got a decent Speedy Gonzoles movie. EFF THE RACE CAR DRIVER.

I just made that up in 20 seconds. Hollywood step your game up.

GROSS AS &^%^: TACO BELL SELLING BREAKFAST ?!?

Attention all fast food nerds, TACO BELL is selling BREAKFAST. Before I stopped eating fast food, Taco Bell was my favorite but this sounds GROSS. I want to vomit simply putting the word's TACO BELL and BREAKFAST in the same sentence, so I can only imagine what I'd do If I were able to taste it. Right now it's only in certain markets, you can tell which markets they are in by the trails of half eaten egg and poured out coffee along the roads.

See the menu here:

The interesting thing is none of the menu items seem to be related in any way to Taco Bell. It's stuff like Denver Omlet stuffed Hashbrowns and Steak, Egg and bacon sandwiches... huh ? It's almost as weird and off putting as SUBWAY selling PIZZA. How are you going to tell us about Jarred for years and get me thinking Subway is healthy, and then sell PIZZA? It's not even shortbread, feta cheeze hook ups, it's just regular high calorie fat ashed pizza. But that's besides the point...My point is TACO BELL shouldn't be selling cinabun bites, when they don't even sell regular cinabuns, and they most definetly shouldn't be selling Jimmy Dean Sausage sandwhiches in the same place that also sells Double Decker Tacos. It's not that I'm totally against TACO BELL selling breakfast, but it's like they aren't even trying.

If I own a place called TACO Hut, I think it's safe to assume if I start selling BREAKFAST, my first marketedly respectful option would be a freaking BREAKFAST BURRITO. And yet for TACO Bell, it's about the only thing not on the breakfast menu. WTF ? ...Maybe it's a good thing because from what I hear, it's gross. Yes I know, big shocker that a denver omlet hashbrown or a cinnabun jimmy dean sausage sandwhich would be gross coming from TACO Bell, go figure. Stick to Chalupa's.

For Further Reading/Source: TacoBell Sells Breakfast

WTF WAS IN THAT CUP TEA ?!? or 土岐麻子「ロマンチック」

Watch this, you'll be asking yourself the same question... Or maybe you'll ask yourself why she drank the tea anyway, when she saw MIME in it !?! And what's with the horrible CGI !?!

Mr. Spriggs....

I know you hungry now... I also know this song is stuck in your head.. "falls off the bone".. This reminds of that episode of the Office where they were making the commercial and Darryl made a really good slow jam jiggle and Michael sat there and said..... "I expected this to be a rap." Hilarious.

WHAT DO THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE KIDS SHOWS, SMOKE ?

You know....It's weird but I've never thought about this topic before. If Japanese adult shows are weird, how freaking nuts are the kids shows ? I mean on our own we've had everything from a giant 8 foot canary to a woolly mammoth without ears that talks like a weed head to a purple dinosaur with a "magic bag" to a giant Polly wog that can only say his own name. I could go on and on with the absurdity that is children's TV in the states but I'd rather focus a little bit more on what the Japanese have to offer.

Actually first I'd like to mention two more American shows, that weird arsed show with the finger/hand puppets. I don't know the name of it, but if you watch with the sound off you won't sleep for days.

And secondly Hip Hop Harry.... WTF ! This is what really killed Hip Hop:

Okay and now the Japanese stuff. I really wish I was fluent right now, so far al I've picked out is the number 1 and maybe the word raddish. Those kids are so cute but wow.. this is all just a lot to take in.

Yeah after all this, I don't know If I'm going to let my kids watch TV. What the frazzle sticks are they learning ? Let's squirt glue in our mouths ! Then let's dance to horrible music, then let's go stare at the baby in the sun ! Now let's go find an oversized animal to play with ! OMG THIS IS SO MUCH FUN ! I'M NOT LEARNING ANYTHING AT ALL ! ... Yeah, NO. My kids are reading the dictionary.